I have a recurring fantasy to have a threesome with my wife and sister-in-law but don’t know how to say this to my wife. I want to experiment with my sex life. My sister-in-law has been sending me flirty messages and I think she will be open to this. Am I a pervert for wanting this so badly?
If people loudly declared every stray through their minds, then they would be tossed into prison for potentially being a liar, adulterer, thief, or murderer – among other morally ambiguous identities. Will communicating this idea to your wife hurt or enthral her? While the idea of a threesome plays into your fantasy, you must understand that the two women you wish to have sexual contact with are sisters. Their views towards incest may not be known to you. The fact that your sister-in-law is flirting with you needn’t mean that she undoubtedly wants to participate in a threesome with you and her sister. Instead of labelling yourself as a pervert, you must engage in much-needed self-introspection to figure out what aspects of your life require your attention. If you feel like your sex life is in a state of stagnation, the matter can be discussed with your wife openly and with empathy. Your sister-in-law’s advances towards you may hurt your wife. Hence, if you decide to tell her about that, there may be a rift between them. Ultimately, you are responsible for what you choose and the mess or opportunities it creates.
My elderly neighbour has asked me to come with her to Lonavla for the weekend. She is an attractive widower and has hinted at us having some ‘fun on the side’. The problem is that my fiancée is great friends with the neighbour and doesn’t know about our flirting. What if my fiancée finds out?
If your fiancée finds out, the disappointment and finger-pointing that is likely to follow may discharge a series of awkward and painful confrontations between all involved. The idea of having ‘fun on the side’ is a case of adultery and cheating. So, if you wish to engage in such activities, you will first have to run those decisions by your conscience and the personal moral tenets that you define your life. The friendship between your neighbour and your fiancée will no doubt be tested if your affair (should you have one) is discovered. Additionally, an individual must learn to pay a cost for decisions they make. Should one eat cake constantly, the cost to be paid is putting on weight. Should one stand under the sun, the cost to be paid is tanning. Should a man cheat on his partner, the cost to be paid is losing her trust and affection. Should a man engage in sexual activity with someone other than his chosen partner, the cost to be paid is a division of loyalties that may get harder to hide and impossible to adhere to. Will the man pay more attention to his partner or his lover? It’s a question that many have wrestled with. If your choices stem from a place of clarity and compassion rather than the passing spectrum of temptation, you’ll find yourself less confused. Choose wisely.
(Dr Aman Rajan Bhonsle, Ph.D, is a consulting relationship counsellor and youth mentor)